Blog Comments

Hi there Taylor:

I read your "The Mighty Pharaoh Laid Low" newspaper headline piece, Salvation piece, If I Were in Charge of the World poem,  your 7-line poem,  and your color haikus in that order. My favorite piece was the Salvation piece because you are fabulous in creating its dark atmosphere and conveying such powerful emotions within the writing. It is not a flat piece as anyone can write, but a piece that is incredibly descriptive for the feelings of the narrator. I loved it.

My comments, in the order of the pieces I read:

Don't be so sure you'll never be famous, my dear friend! Yeah, I think we all know the feeling of disappointment and heartbreak when we see that our heroes or the ones we see as inspiration are not proven infallible. There's a sort of comfort in the fact that we're all limited beings though. This fact means we can all relate to one another on that front at least. Maybe glory days end, maybe they don't. Maybe they just transition from one kind of glory to another. Sure, sitting on the porch watching a sunset with your grandchild may not be as exciting as winning an Olympic medal, but that could be a glorious moment I think. What's relevant in remembrance is who remembers you and for what, not how many people remember you I feel, so we should not despair when a person is no longer famous but allow them that anonymity to seek themselves in new ways, even if other people don't know they're doing it. Wow, your article got me thinking a lot. I appreciate it, and I appreciate the questions you've posed in your piece.

I've mentioned this many times, but jeez oh Pete you're awesome at writing dark stuff! I'm shivering at the descriptions of this person's despair and decay. Your piece makes me wonder if this would be something other writers like Edgar Allen Poe or Slyvia Plath could relate to, and this is how I imagine depression might feel.

The fact that you can convey such emotions as raw anger and grief and then brief moments of relief at night is amazing. Excellent, excellent, excellent. Desiring detachment is something that is also an interesting and well illustrated theme within this work. I wonder what it is that the narrator is so desperate to get away from that they desire sleep and dreams over real life.

Please, I will elect you Madam President of the earth, if you can make the world this way. I love the issues that you bring up within this piece, especially the parts about mass hysteria, prejudice, ignorance, and lies to ourselves. Those are all serious problems that I wish we could all solve with a wave of the hand.

I think a hamburger should be a vegetable too. Also, People really should just accept each other instead of being stupid like "Oh, well you're different, so you're bad!" "Nuh-uh, you're different and you're bad!" News flash people, we're all different, and we're not all bad, only the people who ridicule others for their uniqueness are causing problems. Ugh. Our world.

I love your vision for the world Taylor, and I wish it comes true some day.

 

What an imagery piece of a man being captivated by someone! Have you ever had a moment where you were just enamored by someone? You write as though you may know that feeling. You point out both the negatives and positives of being infatuated by someone in that you point out that he "smiles blissfully" and is happy, but also the question about "how can he escape now?" when it is a feeling you can't control.

I love how you use such interesting word choice, metaphors, and similes to create your imagery. Is it my imagination or is there almost an ominous tone to how she has caught his attention. What with "her eyes are Finnish lavender spikes, they have impaled him" and "She capture and devoured him" it seems this enchanting girl may be more than she appears.

This poem is overall awesome with its descriptions, and how it illuminates the feelings of the man within it. Love it.

 

Hi Taylor. I like your haikus. I like the contrasts of purple in three different instances within the first haiku, and I wonder who or what is the subject of the second haiku? A lost soul who wants to be remembered perhaps? Both haikus leave openness to interpretation and use the colors in an interesting way. I like how the first haiku rhymes in its first and third lines. The second haiku doesn't require any rhymes and I like that it's sort of ambiguous. It does cause one to wonder.

As usual, your work is very good, the haikus have good form, and I appreciate your efforts. Unlike so many people who attempt writing haikus you keep with the syllable requirements and I very much appreciate that. Nothing drives me crazier than when someone writes "haikus" and ignores the syllable requirements. Looking forward to more great writing!


Hi Mariah:
I read your Caged in a Storm piece, Freedom Isn't Free poem, Come With Me piece, Paint Chip Poems, and  your Six Word Memoir piece. My favorite was your Caged in a storm piece, as it made me eager to read the next part of your story and had great use of foreshadowing.


Here are all of my comments for your pieces


What an interesting concept! The grandmother figure received a pillow from her lover in a Dream World? I was smiling quite a bit as I read that, because I love it when someone blurs the line between fantasy and reality in interesting ways. Awesome! I like the realistic brother-sister relationship you made here, and the relatable instance of them creating a pillow fort during a frightening storm. There appears to be an excellent use of foreshadowing within this story if it were to be continued, especially with this mysterious "grandmother". I love the line "In the midst of the pandemonium that was producing havoc outside, I knew my brother and I were safe." I like the contrast between the huge storm and the cozy living room. Very good writing, and I like it a lot. Keep up the excellent work, I'll be glad to read more of your writing in the future.

You put forth strong images of a dark and terrible world very well. I like how you point out that while the world is often a horrible and dark place, that it is not one without hope. I also like how you point out that the worldly comforts will not last forever, nor will our bodies. The strong undertones of faith are noticeable, and the piece is very powerful in the message it has. Freedom truly isn't free, as someone must always pay a price for it, as everything else in the world has a price that comes with it. Your writing has a passion to it, and you should continue using it.  I love that you have such great vigor and perhaps a positive ferocity in your writing. You jump in feet first with your message and have no hesitation writing it down. Wonderful.

Very, very creepy. Often when a writer addresses the reader directly it make for a jarring experience. Even more so for this particular instance in that the narrator is clearly mad. I like that this piece points out the stigmatization of mental illness, but also what a frightening thing it could be. The narrator talking about being separated from others, but potentially harmful to others is a great example of both of these things.The last line is so chilling: "But right now, you are reading an account penned down by a dead man." Shivers down my spine. If I had found a note like this somewhere I would certainly be freaking out. This narrator reminds me of a mad cult leader hoping to make more terrible conversions to his practice. The eeriness and scary idea of someone viewing something "evil" as "beautiful" are really well written. What you were hoping to create was very well achieved, and very dark.

I want to go to this city you've created! I love how you used your paint chip name to inspire this great forest path that could fit into Lord of the Rings. Especially the part about the monsters in the black forest (because what is a fantasy world without fearsome monsters?). I love the line "gold lies in their hearts and excitement in their soul". I'm guessing the green forest is where good creatures dwell in contrast to the black forest where evil creatures dwell. I loved this and overall I want to visit this interesting poem's world.


I like your six words you chose for each life story. The feeling of 'don't talk to me' is one we can all relate to, especially during early mornings. You indeed paint a variety of pictures with words from what I have read by you. Dark, powerful, mysterious, or caring are the sort of paintings you've created and I've enjoyed writing them. Ah, yes. I know what you mean by "I don't make rules I enforce" in more than just a parental figure. Overall, you are good at saying a lot with limited words, and you never seem to say too little with too many words. I can't say that for all authors, as some never seem to reach their point no matter how many words they use. Thanks for sharing this piece with us and summing up yourself in such a good way. Your future works will be a treat.


Hello Maddie! I read your If I Were in Charge of the World Poem, Pillow Talk piece, 7 Line poem, First Line piece, and your Necklace piece. My favorite work was your Necklace piece, because you were genuine in your piece and you showed what was important to you in it.


Here are the comments I put for you:


My reply to the cancelation of standardized tests: YES! We really do focus way to much on test taking and not retaining what we learn, as well as more on technical subjects and not the skills of real life. This is a subject I'm very passionate about so I relate to your mentioning of it. Free education and better mental health care would be such awesome things to! I also like your comment about people using gay as an insult. People who do really need to rethink their lives and dispositions. The remarks about early classes and not being allowed retail store jobs are excellent as well. We get up far to early for what's healthy, and the young are restricted (or sheltered) from far too much. Especially 17-year-olds because that's just one year off from adulthood. Awesome job with this poem, there's so much truth within it.

We all know what you're talking about in this narrative! I totally agree with a love to be lounging in bed, especially late at night when stories, discussions with myself, and just plain stray thoughts are running around in my head. It's the best place to get inspiration if you ask me. I mean, doesn't everybody love climbing into bed after being weeks on the road, or groan and want to punch the alarm clock every morning, or silently cheer to themselves when it's a snow day and they can stay snuggled under the warm covers? Besides a hug from a loved one, or a nice hot meal your folks made, I think one's own bed is the most comforting thing of being home. I really like your piece because you make me think of all these things when I'm reading it. Thanks a lot for reminding me of all that.

Why do I feel like this belongs in a Victorian era story? People were kind of obsessed with flowers and their beauty and what they meant in that time, so I suppose it's because you describe this flower in such a pretty way. I just feel like going up to some mountaintops and smelling this "rock rose" because you illustrated it so well. The imagery is great because I can hear, smell, and see this entire scene with how you've laid it out. It's a simple and pretty piece, not using too many words to say too little, and I like this short poem overall. Describing and being in awe of nature is always a great subject of writing, and you do this incredibly well in this piece. You incorporated each paint piece in a way that didn't feel forced, and you weaved each stanza in a clever way.

Like you, I'm not a very big fan of very dark and sad stories, but the first line is certainly accurate and gets your attention, huh? The aspects I believe I could appreciate about the story however, would be the non-linear storytelling aspect(as I love this writing technique and it's not an easy accomplishment) and the time period. I'm guessing the book would delve heavily into the psychological developments of the characters from the sound of it, and it may even help us ponder why people do things like adultery so that we could understand it and prevent it. While I'm not sure I would read the book either, I think I could appreciate it for these things at the very least. I wonder what the time is within the book's setting, is it directly after or during World War I? That would make a lot of sense since many people were disillusioned afterwards. Thanks for sharing.

What a great story. The beauty's still there in the necklace, maybe not physically, and I appreciate that you were willing to share this with us since it's obviously important to you. This story is honest and sweet. Isn't it great that even if the object in our memories fades and crumbles we can still remember what it means to us? My sister and I had necklaces we would wear to her band competitions to support each other. Mine said "Little Sis" and hers said "Big Sis" and so I know how a necklace can represent a connection with someone special, although in different ways. My necklace is pretty worn out anymore but I still pull it out of its box now and again to admire it too. You put your feelings into your writing beautifully, and that's more important than anything else in writing.